Mark Zuckerberg Says He’s Down to Fight Elon Musk in a Cage Match

What would you give to see two of the world’s richest men throwing poorly aimed haymakers at each other? Better give that one some serious thought because The Verge is now reporting that Mark Zuckerberg and Elon Musk may get into a fight.

If you’re wondering what I mean by “fight,” I mean like a fight-fight. A physical fight. A punching-and-kicking type of a fight. A fight where one guy eventually crumples to the mat in a lifeless heap and another guy stands over him sweating and bleeding and yells hoarsely “VICTORYYYY.” (I’m clearly speculating but in my mind’s eye that’s how I ideally imagine this going down.)

How could this stupendous turn of events have happened?

Well, as with most fights, it started with some good ol’ fashioned shit-talking. And, as you might have guessed, Musk got the ball rolling on that front.

To review, tensions have been high between the Meta CEO and the Twitter CEO ever since Meta announced its plans to launch an obvious Twitter rival. The new platform, which is still in testing and is currently referred to internally as Project 92 (though it may eventually be called “Threads”), has been viewed as a direct threat to the floundering Twitter’s survival. Top Meta execs have also been quite brash about the fact that the app is a Twitter lookalike, which one top lieutenant to Zuckerberg recently referred to it as Meta’s “response to Twitter.”

Clearly burned by all this, Musk recently responded by doing what he does best, which is to make trollish jokes. On Tuesday, in reference to Meta’s new app, Musk tweeted: “I’m sure Earth can’t wait to be exclusively under Zuck’s thumb with no other options.”

In response, one Twitter user quipped: “Better be careful @elonmusk I heard he does the ju jitsu now.” They were of course referencing the Meta CEO’s recent escapades in martial arts, which have involved him seriously bulking up.

Musk then trotted out a pretty typical Musk taunt: “I’m up for a cage match if he is lol.”

You’d think that would’ve been the end of it, but Zuckerberg subsequently responded on Instagram, posting a screenshot of Musk’s tweet with a Jason Bourne-style caption attached to it: “send me location.”

At this point, the natural response to this little back-and-forth was to consider it a little good-natured ribbing between corporate foes. Just two rich guys having fun with each other, right?

But now, Zuckerberg’s comms team appears to be taking things one step further and has announced to The Verge that, nope, Zuck actually would jump in a ring with Elon—or, at the very least, he’s committed to saying that he will until Elon walks away with his tail between his legs. The Verge’s deputy editor, Alex Heath, says he has “confirmed that Zuckerberg’s post on his Instagram account is, in fact, not a joke, which means the ball is now in Musk’s court.”

!!!!!

Look, there are few sporting events I would pay good money to see but this has got to be one of them. As to who would win…I honestly have no idea. Musk looks pretty tall but he seems to spend most of his time behind a keyboard, issuing snark to the masses via his failing social media platform. Zuck, on the other hand, has been physically training like he’s about to be airdropped into a war zone Rambo style. That impressive feat is offset somewhat by the New York Times recent claims that he was knocked out cold during one of his matches (though Zuck has disputed the claims).

Either way, I believe that we, as a country, need this fight to happen. We’ve been so divided for so long. Enough of the divisiveness and the partisan bickering! Enough of the culture war! What we all really need is to come together to watch two billionaires beat the living tar from one another for nebulous personal and professional reasons. Let’s make this happen, America!